Open Journal #32.1 ~ 32.6

Open Journal #32.1 This could be Rotterdam or anywhere but it is actually Rotterdamthe first time i have ever been here alone no wife, friends or work colleagues i was married just there across the street and we lived over the other side of that square I have a thing about lying, i don’t like doing it, … Continue reading Open Journal #32.1 ~ 32.6 →

Open Journal #29

A thing happened, short version is, I was faced with a load of new paperwork that I had never seen before. The why and the wherefore is not really important for the point of this journal entry. Suffice to say that I have been reading many reports about me. Social Workers on home visits and … Continue reading Open Journal #29 →

Open Journal #26

Happy New Year I am struggling to be all positive and bright as we start this year. The broken sleep and the endless nightmares are starting to annoy me now. There was a discussion somewhere about how when we nap during the day, we’re not asleep long enough for REM sleep to kick in, so … Continue reading Open Journal #26 →

Open Journal #19

I understand that you probably know about this but this morning somebody told it to me for the first time When you are not fedlove on a silver spoon,you learn tolick it off knives. It hit me so deepit made me cryI felt it spread everywherewe talked about it and agreed that it was the … Continue reading Open Journal #19 →

Open Journal #13

Disassociation is something I was aware of before I rocked up here. I knew the term, I knew what survivors meant when they referenced it, and I knew that I did it. Had it. Suffered from it. Caught it. What is the right term? Live with it. I live with disassociation and it with me. … Continue reading Open Journal #13 →

Open Journal #12

I take a call from my little sister. There are three, and she’s the one I giggle and shop with. We grab some tea and settle down for chat and news and silliness. Eventually, she asks how I am and what I’ve been doing. In the next five seconds my mind rejects the polite noises … Continue reading Open Journal #12 →

My Story

I suppose really this is Open Journal #5a It occurred to me that not everyone knows this story. I am a survivor and this is my story. An order of events if you will. An outline. I used to use the terminology that the headline was that i was a survivor of sexual abuse. I … Continue reading My Story →

Open Journal #11

I am fascinated by how quickly you can connect with people here. I keep coming back to it and picking at it, trying to understand it. I mean sure we all have one thing in common, but it can’t just be that. Maybe it’s a false feeling, those of you who pop into chat rooms, … Continue reading Open Journal #11 →

Open Journal #10

In the world of survivors the phrase ‘Trigger Warning’ means more than it has become to mean in common parlance. The content may be of a nature that has the potential to trigger a flashback or similar for a survivor and may deal with a subject matter or describe things in such a way as … Continue reading Open Journal #10 →

Open Journal #9

Violent childhood. Sexual abuse. Damaged adult getting by. Disclosure, police, courts. Two decades of coping. And now — the realisation I never really faced any of it. This all feels like the right thing to do, and I am starting to understand some of it. I had never spoken about, addressed, admitted, described all the … Continue reading Open Journal #9 →