Trigger Warning! Seriously, I’m not messing about I went to prison. There was a little period of my life where I stole things. I had no idea why. I know now it’s not unusual for survivors to do this—some twisted attempt at being seen. I never explored it too closely. It hardly matters. It wasn’t … Continue reading Open Journal #59
Category: abuse
Open Journal #58
Message in a digital bottle. i have this odd urge to write to a lonely boy in a bedsit, a teenager who doesn't feel understood, a man alone because his divorce just came through and it all went wrong and he has no idea why but there is something that nags at his soul, a … Continue reading Open Journal #58
Open Journal #57
Unprotected. My therapist taught me that word. It soothed my soul. It was such a healing word to hear. Made me feel seen. It was so true. If I had been protected, my life would have been so different. I would have been so different. If we add this prism and look again, does it … Continue reading Open Journal #57
Open Journal #56
The Storage Unit Of My Mind I am sure it has been used a thousand times. It might even be that my therapist has used it many times himself. One day he described my brain as a storage unit. I imagined one of those ones you hire like a room with a roller shutter. You … Continue reading Open Journal #56
Open Journal #55
When a Boy Misplaces His Innocence I sometimes have these stray thoughts and I need to write them down. I want to explore the theme and where it takes me. Sometimes it feels as if they are disjointed and unconnected, but as I write, it kind of unravels and I see it clearer. I start … Continue reading Open Journal #55
Open Journal #52
This isn't a well-thought-out thing, just something I keep bumping against. I am talking with a young person (not on this site), who has recently disclosed and the abuse has only just ended, which means I get a rare snapshot of what it is like to be dealing with someone who is very close to … Continue reading Open Journal #52
Open Journal #50
We have taken to being on a video chat with each other while we do things — sometimes we’re at our desks, sometimes emptying a dishwasher — like an office for the work-from-home types. Just an American friend and I, chewing the fat, as I believe you call it. We fell into a conversation about … Continue reading Open Journal #50
Open Journal # 43
I thought I would focus on a couple of things my therapist discussed with me during our time together. Face to face, I mean. That latest session was full of moments where I saw things clearly for the first time. Subjects I had touched on before, here in chat and with him — snippets of … Continue reading Open Journal # 43
Open Journal #42
I think some weird things are happening. It almost feels as if some big things have cleared away and I can see other things I have never seen before. I bump into them, I catch myself saying something in conversation, or I am weeding the garden and an idle thought crosses my mind. A recent … Continue reading Open Journal #42
Open Journal #38
I recently completed my therapy sessions and as we got near the end I asked him in an ideal world what would he do with me now? If he could choose. Would he carry on with online sessions? Do some more face to face work? or release me into the wild and let me get … Continue reading Open Journal #38