Open Journal #9

Violent childhood. Sexual abuse. Damaged adult getting by. Disclosure, police, courts. Two decades of coping. And now — the realisation I never really faced any of it. This all feels like the right thing to do, and I am starting to understand some of it. I had never spoken about, addressed, admitted, described all the … Continue reading Open Journal #9 →

Open Journal #8

Woken again by nightmares. 3am. Same as every night since I got here. If I’m spending every waking moment thinking about abuse, I guess it stands to reason my brain is a bit full. I’ve just kind of resigned myself to the fact that I’m not going to get much sleep at the moment. I … Continue reading Open Journal #8 →

Open Journal #7

The first few lines of My Story talk about my father being violent, locking me in rooms, and that I never talk about it. In chat a few days ago I was talking with someone and they told me they had read my story and said nice, kind things to me. I asked if he … Continue reading Open Journal #7 →

Open Journal #6

It has to be some music today, we are going to always come back to music, it walks with me through all of this abuse stuff. At moments of pain it soothes and allows me to centre myself. When I am heading into stressful moments i arrive with it and don’t remove it from my … Continue reading Open Journal #6 →

Notes on Open Journal posts

I thought I would take a moment to explain a few things. Open Journal is posted on an American site, hence the odd explanation of Britishness to avoid confusion. You don’t need to know where, clearly it is for the likes of me. Imagine I am a stamp collector and it is a site for … Continue reading Notes on Open Journal posts →

Open Journal #5

I just wanted to write about this because I want my feelings about it out there. For this survivor it was an interesting experience. It revealed things to me that I wasn’t aware of, and I learnt a thing or two. Obviously on arrival here I wandered into the Survivors Stories forum. Had a bit … Continue reading Open Journal #5 →

Open Journal #4

I like bits of language, cute little phrases especially ones that capture a feeling or make me laugh, and with an accent they are just delightful. Just about any phrase even just some words in Welsh. A northern English accent just lends itself to good dry delivery. I was once jokingly telling a younger guy … Continue reading Open Journal #4 →

Open Journal #3

Back when I started to be abused I was in a boarding school and worked in the kitchen helping the Chef. So plenty of free cigarettes and extra food. I was a skinny tennis playing boy of 12 who could eat. I used to creep down at dawn and steal bread and jam from the … Continue reading Open Journal #3 →

Open Journal #2

Over the last week, since stumbling into this emporium of delights, I've noticed some odd things happening in my head. Lately, my brain has been catching little phrases and comments like driftwood throughout the day. Sometimes a remark made at 3am in the chat room will click into place at 4pm while i'm sipping a … Continue reading Open Journal #2 →

Open Journal #1

here is a pilot of the first entry, i am working on turning the whole thing into a podcast. This a rough mix. The majority is recorded i am just working on mixing and production. just press play A Voice Less Ordinary i thought i might try this and see how it goes. First day … Continue reading Open Journal #1 →