Open Journal #18

The ban was lifted. I needed those couple of days to think about what happened next. What I felt about it. What it meant. As is often the way because of time zones, the chat rooms can be empty. I will often sit in one on my own and play music. I’ll write something on … Continue reading Open Journal #18 →

Open Journal #17

A couple of days ago, I was writing to The Mentor. I write about what I am feeling, what I have discovered, what I have talked about with people, what I have read. He sends it back with comments and thoughts and links and things for me to think about or where to go next. … Continue reading Open Journal #17 →

Open Journal #16

This is the second night of not being allowed in chat. I’m sure it’s supposed to be a punishment, though I’m still not sure what for. I made a complaint and asked for the decision to be reversed. Nothing yet. And at this rate, there won’t be a decision until the punishment is complete, so … Continue reading Open Journal #16 →

Open Journal #15

I got banned from chat. Obviously I don’t think I should have been, and I’m arguing my point, but not here. I’m four weeks into nightmares and broken sleep, sitting here at 3am alone, missing the company and the support. I’m left sitting with my own rage again. I started thinking about my inner rage … Continue reading Open Journal #15 →

Open Journal #14

I am minded to apply a Tigger warning, but to be honest in my whole life i have never met another living soul whose parents did this to them. So i don’t think a Tigger warning is needed. On the off chance that you were also locked in your room all the time consider yourself … Continue reading Open Journal #14 →

Open Journal #13

Disassociation is something I was aware of before I rocked up here. I knew the term, I knew what survivors meant when they referenced it, and I knew that I did it. Had it. Suffered from it. Caught it. What is the right term? Live with it. I live with disassociation and it with me. … Continue reading Open Journal #13 →

Open Journal #12

I take a call from my little sister. There are three, and she’s the one I giggle and shop with. We grab some tea and settle down for chat and news and silliness. Eventually, she asks how I am and what I’ve been doing. In the next five seconds my mind rejects the polite noises … Continue reading Open Journal #12 →

My Story

I suppose really this is Open Journal #5a It occurred to me that not everyone knows this story. I am a survivor and this is my story. An order of events if you will. An outline. I used to use the terminology that the headline was that i was a survivor of sexual abuse. I … Continue reading My Story →

Open Journal #11

I am fascinated by how quickly you can connect with people here. I keep coming back to it and picking at it, trying to understand it. I mean sure we all have one thing in common, but it can’t just be that. Maybe it’s a false feeling, those of you who pop into chat rooms, … Continue reading Open Journal #11 →

Open Journal #10

In the world of survivors the phrase ‘Trigger Warning’ means more than it has become to mean in common parlance. The content may be of a nature that has the potential to trigger a flashback or similar for a survivor and may deal with a subject matter or describe things in such a way as … Continue reading Open Journal #10 →