Open Journal #42

I think some weird things are happening. It almost feels as if some big things have cleared away and I can see other things I have never seen before. I bump into them, I catch myself saying something in conversation, or I am weeding the garden and an idle thought crosses my mind. A recent … Continue reading Open Journal #42 →

Open Journal #38

I recently completed my therapy sessions and as we got near the end I asked him in an ideal world what would he do with me now? If he could choose. Would he carry on with online sessions? Do some more face to face work? or release me into the wild and let me get … Continue reading Open Journal #38 →

Open Journal #32.1 ~ 32.6

Open Journal #32.1 This could be Rotterdam or anywhere but it is actually Rotterdamthe first time i have ever been here alone no wife, friends or work colleagues i was married just there across the street and we lived over the other side of that square I have a thing about lying, i don’t like doing it, … Continue reading Open Journal #32.1 ~ 32.6 →

Open Journal #29

A thing happened, short version is, I was faced with a load of new paperwork that I had never seen before. The why and the wherefore is not really important for the point of this journal entry. Suffice to say that I have been reading many reports about me. Social Workers on home visits and … Continue reading Open Journal #29 →

Open Journal #28

Part One ~ Looking for a Therapist When I read the book Traumasexuality, I felt it would be amazing if I could find a therapist who was trained in this stuff. It clicked with me, so much so that immediately and completely I shifted in my thinking and I could see the possibility of having … Continue reading Open Journal #28 →

Open Journal #26

Happy New Year I am struggling to be all positive and bright as we start this year. The broken sleep and the endless nightmares are starting to annoy me now. There was a discussion somewhere about how when we nap during the day, we’re not asleep long enough for REM sleep to kick in, so … Continue reading Open Journal #26 →

Open Journal #22

Six weeks. I clicked on a link six weeks ago yesterday. A life-changing, line in the sand, never-be-the-same-again click. I have never had so little sleep. I can’t seem to focus on anything else. It feels all-encompassing. There’s nowhere else I want to be, nothing else I want to think about. Considering how little I … Continue reading Open Journal #22 →

Open Journal #21

Traumasexuality by Peter John Schouten Clearly I am late to the party. As I am with most things to do with all of this. The Mentor mentioned it, mentioned it in such a way that I paid attention. Thought I would get a copy and have a read. I really don’t do this, you will … Continue reading Open Journal #21 →

Open Journal #20

This last month I’ve slipped into being a bit of a recluse. Sleep broken by nightmares, half the night spent in the chat room or writing, and no real energy left for the outside world. Not that I had much desire to be around people anyway. The odd visitor to the house I could manage … Continue reading Open Journal #20 →

Open Journal #19

I understand that you probably know about this but this morning somebody told it to me for the first time When you are not fedlove on a silver spoon,you learn tolick it off knives. It hit me so deepit made me cryI felt it spread everywherewe talked about it and agreed that it was the … Continue reading Open Journal #19 →