Open Journal #46

I have superpowers. I have rare blood and I heal really quickly. These things are true, but they are more of a kind of biological fact about myself. I also have things I can do that nobody is aware of, and I do them all the time. Let’s talk about three of them. Oh, I … Continue reading Open Journal #46 →

Open Journal # 44

I have a strange sense of fragility. As if the newness of this won’t last, and if I’m not careful, I’ll break it. Not even sure what "it" is. There are differences, and I know that things have changed. I clearly don’t feel the same way about anything anymore. I have imagery to rely on … Continue reading Open Journal # 44 →

Open Journal # 43

I thought I would focus on a couple of things my therapist discussed with me during our time together. Face to face, I mean. That latest session was full of moments where I saw things clearly for the first time. Subjects I had touched on before, here in chat and with him — snippets of … Continue reading Open Journal # 43 →

Open Journal #36

I was talking to a fellow survivor the other day and i mentioned that i was exhausted after therapy, really wiped out, and for most of the next day i felt the effects. It just seemed weird to me, i mean basically i had sat and talked for two hours, it wasn’t like i had … Continue reading Open Journal #36 →

Open Journal #35

NB. I did consider not posting this entry because it is very specific to the survivor site it was originally written for. I only include it because my intent was to go public and not hide or edit anything. Learning how to navigate and discuss abuse was as much a part of the story as … Continue reading Open Journal #35 →

Open Journal #34

A two week hiatus. A pause. No therapist, time to ponder and reflect and think. Understand what I had experienced and how I felt about it. Process what I had learnt and try to understand the difference it has made. I had completed the equivalent of 6 months of therapy in a few weeks and … Continue reading Open Journal #34 →

Open Journal #31

Excited puppies and wet paint do not mix well. So my week has been spent moving from room to room and staying out the way of painters. Painters we had booked long ago before all this stuff happened. It has been a weird week of broken sleep and naps and writing and hiding away alone. … Continue reading Open Journal #31 →

Open Journal #29

A thing happened, short version is, I was faced with a load of new paperwork that I had never seen before. The why and the wherefore is not really important for the point of this journal entry. Suffice to say that I have been reading many reports about me. Social Workers on home visits and … Continue reading Open Journal #29 →

Whistling in the Dark

There is always a song in my head. I whistle and hum and sing a line from something. An old show tune, a current ear worm hit, a song I have always loved. Music is never far from my brain. I walk into a room, I turn on music, sit at my desk to write, … Continue reading Whistling in the Dark →

Open Journal #26

Happy New Year I am struggling to be all positive and bright as we start this year. The broken sleep and the endless nightmares are starting to annoy me now. There was a discussion somewhere about how when we nap during the day, we’re not asleep long enough for REM sleep to kick in, so … Continue reading Open Journal #26 →