Open Journal #48

By the time you read this it will be a few weeks from now. There’s a slight built-in delay. It helps me to process things before I publish — consider and tweak, ponder if I think it’s ok to say these things out loud. I have had an interesting experience with AI. ChatGPT, to be … Continue reading Open Journal #48 →

Open Journal # 43

I thought I would focus on a couple of things my therapist discussed with me during our time together. Face to face, I mean. That latest session was full of moments where I saw things clearly for the first time. Subjects I had touched on before, here in chat and with him — snippets of … Continue reading Open Journal # 43 →

Open Journal #39

i am smoking a cigarette outside my hotel, it is 6.21am and a man stops and asks me where the station is, in french. I don't speak french but i know enough words to work out what he wants and point him in the right direction. I hope it was the station he wanted. I … Continue reading Open Journal #39 →

three jobs you’d consider pursuing if money didn’t matter

This is a safe topic for me to discuss because I am mere weeks away from my 65th birthday; so there is no danger of me ever doing any of them. There is no time left to train or apply for any of these jobs, before I hit retirement age. So who would hire me, … Continue reading three jobs you’d consider pursuing if money didn’t matter →

Open Journal #34

A two week hiatus. A pause. No therapist, time to ponder and reflect and think. Understand what I had experienced and how I felt about it. Process what I had learnt and try to understand the difference it has made. I had completed the equivalent of 6 months of therapy in a few weeks and … Continue reading Open Journal #34 →

Open Journal #32.1 ~ 32.6

Open Journal #32.1 This could be Rotterdam or anywhere but it is actually Rotterdamthe first time i have ever been here alone no wife, friends or work colleagues i was married just there across the street and we lived over the other side of that square I have a thing about lying, i don’t like doing it, … Continue reading Open Journal #32.1 ~ 32.6 →

Open Journal #31

Excited puppies and wet paint do not mix well. So my week has been spent moving from room to room and staying out the way of painters. Painters we had booked long ago before all this stuff happened. It has been a weird week of broken sleep and naps and writing and hiding away alone. … Continue reading Open Journal #31 →

Open Journal #28

Part One ~ Looking for a Therapist When I read the book Traumasexuality, I felt it would be amazing if I could find a therapist who was trained in this stuff. It clicked with me, so much so that immediately and completely I shifted in my thinking and I could see the possibility of having … Continue reading Open Journal #28 →

Open Journal #26

Happy New Year I am struggling to be all positive and bright as we start this year. The broken sleep and the endless nightmares are starting to annoy me now. There was a discussion somewhere about how when we nap during the day, we’re not asleep long enough for REM sleep to kick in, so … Continue reading Open Journal #26 →