Open Journal #50

We have taken to being on a video chat with each other while we do things — sometimes we’re at our desks, sometimes emptying a dishwasher — like an office for the work-from-home types. Just an American friend and I, chewing the fat, as I believe you call it. We fell into a conversation about … Continue reading Open Journal #50 →

Open Journal # 43

I thought I would focus on a couple of things my therapist discussed with me during our time together. Face to face, I mean. That latest session was full of moments where I saw things clearly for the first time. Subjects I had touched on before, here in chat and with him — snippets of … Continue reading Open Journal # 43 →

Open Journal #42

I think some weird things are happening. It almost feels as if some big things have cleared away and I can see other things I have never seen before. I bump into them, I catch myself saying something in conversation, or I am weeding the garden and an idle thought crosses my mind. A recent … Continue reading Open Journal #42 →

Open Journal #38

I recently completed my therapy sessions and as we got near the end I asked him in an ideal world what would he do with me now? If he could choose. Would he carry on with online sessions? Do some more face to face work? or release me into the wild and let me get … Continue reading Open Journal #38 →

Open Journal #37

I am going to write about something difficult It is possible that it might be triggering My apologies if it is … it is not my intent We are all grown ups and survivors and men. If you have spent any time on this site and participated in chat or read/written posts then you know … Continue reading Open Journal #37 →

Open Journal #36

I was talking to a fellow survivor the other day and i mentioned that i was exhausted after therapy, really wiped out, and for most of the next day i felt the effects. It just seemed weird to me, i mean basically i had sat and talked for two hours, it wasn’t like i had … Continue reading Open Journal #36 →

Open Journal #35

NB. I did consider not posting this entry because it is very specific to the survivor site it was originally written for. I only include it because my intent was to go public and not hide or edit anything. Learning how to navigate and discuss abuse was as much a part of the story as … Continue reading Open Journal #35 →

Open Journal #34

A two week hiatus. A pause. No therapist, time to ponder and reflect and think. Understand what I had experienced and how I felt about it. Process what I had learnt and try to understand the difference it has made. I had completed the equivalent of 6 months of therapy in a few weeks and … Continue reading Open Journal #34 →

Open Journal #33

This is going to be a slight change of tone, mostly because i am writing this from a place of rage. A couple of weeks ago i posted a journal entry and talked about a terrible week of things happening one after the other. I included this … … The next day, my friend in … Continue reading Open Journal #33 →

Open Journal #32.1 ~ 32.6

Open Journal #32.1 This could be Rotterdam or anywhere but it is actually Rotterdamthe first time i have ever been here alone no wife, friends or work colleagues i was married just there across the street and we lived over the other side of that square I have a thing about lying, i don’t like doing it, … Continue reading Open Journal #32.1 ~ 32.6 →