I have superpowers. I have rare blood and I heal really quickly. These things are true, but they are more of a kind of biological fact about myself. I also have things I can do that nobody is aware of, and I do them all the time.
Let’s talk about three of them. Oh, I am not the only person who has these powers. There are others like me; you might know them, or they might just exist amongst you like a spy from the other side. Seemingly normal and nothing extraordinary, but they are there all the same. Just there, doing their thing in an unobtrusive secret way that you are very unaware of.
The first is the ability to enter a room and know where all the exits are and where all the safe people are. By exits, I don’t mean in case of a fire I could jump out of that window; I mean, is there a clear path between myself and the nearest door if I don’t want to be here anymore because it suddenly feels dangerous? It might not actually be dangerous; it just feels dangerous; there is a difference. I would remain aware at all times; I would know if I had moved away and made it more difficult. That would resonate in me, and I would be a bit twitchy until order had been restored. It’s okay; it doesn’t distract from the fascinating and amusing anecdote you are regaling us with about your shopping trip to the supermarket; you have my full attention, if not my wholehearted laughter.
Also, the ability to spot people I consider safe, those who I could go and stand with if I needed to, if someone said something or touched me or made me feel unsafe in any of the myriad ways that people do without, it seems, a care in the world. Safe people are okay with me sliding alongside them and offering a weak smile of greeting, and they know from my eyes that something has thrown me off centre and I need to be there, and they smoothly include me and offer no resistance and love me from close up.
And there’s another thing, assessing civilians, normal people. Are they safe? Is there something about the way they look at people that is a bit off, like a spider sense that just inhabits me? I don’t turn it on or off. It just happens. Someone catches my eye, the way they look at someone, the way they appraise, the looking up and down, betraying their inner thoughts with an odd, offbeat timbre that doesn’t quite fit. Why are they watching her? What is it about her that is drawing them back? How dangerous are you? Why do you keep touching my arm every time you laugh? Three times now, and if you do it again, I will leave. Why won’t you look me in the eye?
The thing is, when everyone else is normal and relaxed and just people, why do you stand out and have a different tone, a different colour, a different note? I have marked your card. I have seen you and noted you.
And maybe the strangest trick of all, knowing without any shadow of doubt that you are one of us. Somebody at some point touched you in a way they were never supposed to. Someone kept on touching, and they damaged you all over the place. I don’t think you have ever said anything about it yet. There is darkness in your eyes and a nervous energy about the way you interact with the world. You wear fear like a silk shirt, touching your skin and flowing all over you, but clearly there and shimmering in the light.
Maybe we should talk, maybe you need to speak the unspeakable, maybe there is some hope just over here. Let’s sit a while and see what the evening gives us.
It might be a recognition of subtle body language, or something we exude and spill over the floor without knowing we are doing it. Or just a slight, sudden jolt of recognition and understanding. Like all these things, it is wise not to overanalyse or explore too deeply how the magic works.
Over time, it becomes a skill that is honed by experience, and you learn to trust it and just let it do its thing. I know when someone is about to disclose abuse to me. I sense when it is about to happen, and I know what I am in for. It holds no fear; I have been here before.
Someone has to listen, or else survivors will not be heard. They need to be heard. What is the point of a superpower if it is never used? I take it with me everywhere. I have no way of knowing when it will be needed. The most unlikely people in the most unlikely places at the most inconvenient times.
A superpower should just be.
a blog less ordinary 