If humans had taglines, what would yours be?

daily writing prompt #3

I am not sure if it qualifies as a tagline, but it seems to have been agreed some time ago that my epitaph will read ‘ Bit camp, quite funny.’ It is the word ‘quite’ that I object to. 

It was agreed by a group of friends that my wife, if my demise were to occur, might not even think to invite to the funeral, let alone consult on wording for my tombstone. I think it is fair to assume that a wife has the final word. I mean, she did in most discussions; why stop now!

Taglines are more about advertising, promoting, well, strictly speaking, a kind of afterthought. Jurassic Park -no, really, really scary, honest. 24 – why can’t my daughter just stay indoors?! Die Hard ~ who cares what time of year it is?!

I am not sure I qualify for a tagline, a warning maybe, or a reminder. May be volatile … Has been known to overindulge … May implode on impact.

I identify with David Sedaris, who asked his husband what he was good at: “There are plenty of things you’re good at.” When asked for some examples, he listed vacuuming and naming stuffed animals. He says he can probably come up with a few more, but he’ll need some time to think.”

My wife treats me in this manner, sends me out shopping to look at shiny things to soothe my addled mind, or shows me where the ice cream is if I have gotten overheated over another neighbourhood bin/parking/untidy hedge debacle.

If I could choose my tagline, and in the real world, that never happens, we carry taglines that others impose on us, but I would go with ‘Fragile – Handle With Care’. 

But let’s face it, nobody has listened to me before; why would they now?

‘Bit camp, quite funny it is’. In death as in life.